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Kyrina's Fangirl Journey Through Life
Warning: Contains silliness and angst
Handup vs Handout 
10th-Aug-2011 09:03 pm
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I'll admit that I'm going through stress and that I sometimes lose my cool because of it. I will allow myself to wallow a bit in some self-pity and talk about how I'm worried I'll never do anything right. And then I calm down, move on, and try again. Sometimes I've needed help, which I've usually gotten when it's been most needed. I've been very grateful for every time someone has noticed I've needed help and offered. I see the bumps I hit in the road as things that I can get through with perseverance, luck, and some help.

And perhaps this is where my problem lies. I assume that what people really want is a nudge during rough times. Because I've needed help before and know how vital it is to help people who seem to need it for then. I think they'll get that help or the opportunity to do something better and to then use that as a jumping off point to do things they couldn't do without the nudge. This was clearly naive on my part and I'm really learning exactly how naive.

I can't really feel angry about it, but some people just really define themselves by their troubles rather than their victories. They don't want a nudge to get going on a path, they want to be taken the entire way kicking and screaming and then wonder why no one helps (and complains about every bump along the way). At a certain point, you realise you can't help someone who is set on defining the whole thing as a failure.

I'm going to go back to my work now though. It's rough, but I'll get through it. It may not be perfect, but it'll get done.
10th-Aug-2011 09:29 pm (UTC)
None of this was a failure. While it's been crazy, I wouldn't give back this time. I just don't want to go.
10th-Aug-2011 09:30 pm (UTC)
At least I can feel like I haven't wasted your time. I just feel like I failed you.
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